Belated Happy New Year (2020)/Foundation Building to #Becoming

It is hard to believe that it’s been almost six months since I last posted anything!

Life’s been ongoing of course!  Made some moves (at the end of last year). which I had been planning for a while and had tied a lot of things to by saying when the moves happen, I will do this and that.  Well, the moves have happened – mostly, so it is now time to start doing the ‘this and that’.

So I describe this new decade and new year as a time for #Becoming #Steppingintomypurpose #Steppingintomyfullpotential #mytime #anewjourney

January 2020

This is an excerpt from a posting I made in a closed group I am a member of: “Over the years I have questioned what I do – I have worked in the charity sector for more than 19 years, but in the back end (support function) and have always said I don’t feel like I am making an impact. People would say, but you work in the charity sector & your organisation does this & that, & makes this & that impact and you are part of that; but I just wasn’t feeling it! This led me to discussions with my friend at various times over the years, to start a charity organisation in which I could be hands on; but it’s been all talk! (N.B. This year however, one of my personal objectives is to stop “building castles” in my head & start doing!”  – This surmises this new journey I am on.

So all through January, I have been listening to podcasts! Some might say I am now a podcast junkie, but believe me; I have had so much motivation and uplift from these!  I wish they had been around a few decades ago, perhaps I would have had the courage and encouragement to go do the things I dreamt of.  I am however choosing to believe that now is the right time for me which and that’s why I have suddenly awakened to listening to the podcasts.  I am also choosing to believe it is not too late to live those dreams – being in  your golden years, doesn’t mean you can’t live your dreams!  So this is #mytime to #makemydreamshappen and to #liveinmypurpose.

I have listened to tons and tons of podcasts (from as far back as 2014 recordings) and have found the interviews with several inspiring personalities inspiring and thought provoking; and have read several uplifting and motivating books.  I listen to at least one podcast a day and have begun the habit of meditating in the morning (and of course listen to at least one podcast a day – more like 5 in all honesty, that’s what I do while on the traing).  I am left feeling invigorated and believing it is not too late to #liveinmypurpose, so 2020 is the year to lay the foundation and begin the work towards achieving #mydreams and #livinginmypurpose.

Are you an #over50woman feeling listless, unfulfilled and/or confused about what next; or feeling “there has to be more to life”, if so, I invite you to join me on this journey.  Of course, if you already started a similar journey, I’d be love to hear your insights.

Podcasts I have been bingeing on and think you might find useful (and picture of my apple podcast library) are shown below:

#ON purpose with #JayShetty  #the mindvalley podcast with #VishenLakhiani

#The School of Greatness – Lewis Howes  #Women of Impact with Lisa Bilyeu

#Addicted2Success with #JoelBrown and of course, #Oprah’s Super Soul Conversations

Books I have read in January which I have found really motivating and full of ideas:

  • Atomic Habits by James Clear
  • The Success Principles by Jack Canfield
  • Napoleon Hill’s Keys to Success

 

For February:  I plan to read a few more books and continue to develop my mind and receive inspiration by listening to more podcasts and reading more books.  I also plan to put together a #visionboard and get back to #journalling.

 

 

Its one of those days….

I don’t know why or where its coming from. it just is…

Do you ever have those moments/days where you are in awe of the grace you have been afforded and the blessings in your life…

So in awe that your heart is full and tears creep down you face, tears of gratitude they are…

Well, its been one of those mornings (turning into day) for me…

Spent the morning (since waking up) singing songs of gratitude…

I am on the train now & can’t shift the feeling (don’t want to, by the way), so I am letting it ride…

I am on a ride of gratitude, with songs of gratitude running through my mind…

I am saying thank you, thank you my God, I am saying thank you, for all you have done for me…

Osuba re re o, osuba re re o, oba ti’o ri ta ri’se owo re, osuba re re o (gratitude & praises to The One, though unseen whose grace in my life I witness & testify to, acknowledgement, praise & gratitude to Thee)…

Dansaki re baba. I acknowledge you for who you are…

Don’t know where its coming from, but I am on the ride of gratitude and I am just letting the feeling flow through me.

Gratitude always.

Mother’s day; little did I know…

Just over a year ago, I posted https://bitalks.wordpress.com/2018/03/11/mothers-day/?preview=true to acknowledge my mother and the blessing of three generations.

Little did I know, it would be the last time my mum would be alive on a day for celebrating all mums.

In spite of my mum no longer being with us, I celebrate her and continue to be grateful for having had her as my mum.

Life goes on without you mum, but you are greatly missed.

Your legacy lives on in us, your kids; and is being passed on to your grand children; & through them, to your great – grand children.

Love you loads, mum.

Miss you so much mum; sun re o.

Happy mothers day to all mums; may you all live to enjoy the fruits of your labour.

An extra hug, for those whose mums are in heaven, like mine; stay strong & continue to make them proud – they are looking down on us. 😘

My mum… 40 days on…

Today marks 40 days since I received that call …

The call which is inevitable for us all (as death is a certainity for us all)…

In those forty days, I have gone through various phases …

Guilt: about whether I had done all the best I could to tend to your needs when you became frai; whether I should have travelled to see you sooner than I had planned, …

Gratitude: that you are no longer in pain/dependent on anyone for your most basic care (which I know, as an indepent woman, you detested)…

Pride & Gratitude: to have had you as my mama- you went all out for us, hustled, putting your ego aside, as was necessary (going from the child who accompanied her aunty to her clothes stall in isale eko, to becoming (& working as) a registered nurse in the UK, to teaching in Lagos, to child-minding in Ilorin & then major distributor of some top listed companies; and to owning your own stall in Ilorin…) and all for your children – we all in our own ways are carrying on the same thing in our own lives, as you witnessed before your passing.

Questioning: Did you know how much I loved and appreciated you… Yesterday; it was who else would ever love me like my mum did (I guess the answer is none; as the love of a mother is fierce, all consuming and totally unconditional, as I have realised since having my own kids); & then I read a poem by #Frank Solanki “Your love is but a distant Star” and I have to believe you are still out there looking down on us; perhaps a star twinkling down on us.

Legacies are built daily; by being a good role model for your kids, being there for your friends & family, being kind, giving, providing a home for kids who need it – you did it all and impacted many lives.

You lived a good life (though difgicult at times) blessed with grandkids & great-grand kids; we were fortunate to have had you for so long (as I was recently reminded by a friend; some lose their mums’ when they are young children); but your passing has left a big hole in our lives…

Thank you mummy, for giving us your all. I hope you knew that despite the grumpy me who never wanted to chat when you did (oh by the way, since returning from your burial, I have told your grandson, who is very much like me in that regard, to take advantage of those moments to chat as I will one day not be here; as I now wish I could have found it in myself to have those chats you wanted to have); I did love you deeply and had your back all through – even though I may not have been able to demonstrate it.

On this day, I pray that your kindness, your faith, your good intentions, (including when you worried so much as you became frail, about not being able to observe your salats), and all salats (you were oportuned to have been able to perform), would intercede for you; & your sins would be forgiven.

Al- jannah firdaus my darling mama; miss you so much.

Seen and heard no more, but loved deeply still.

Forever in our hearts

It turns out, it was goodbye 😭

In August 2018, on my way back to base, I posted this https://bitalks.wordpress.com/2018/08/27/au-revoir-or-goodbye/?preview=true

It turns out; that was the last time I woud speak to my mum/be showered with her prayers.

I got the call on 4th Feb. that she had stopped breathing, so I dropped everything & boarded a flight to be able to bid her a final farewell; but only this time on my arrival, she was no longer talking or excited to see me as she usually was.

As I head back to base again, seated at the gate to board my flight; I am once again in tears, as I know she is no longer there to come back to or even speak to over the phone.

I miss my mum already; despite the short time since her demise. The last couple of weeks have been an emotional roller coaster… but I guess I am thankful that she is no longer in a state where she requires medical attention, is dependent on carers for her most basic needs, etc. Yet, it still hurts…

On my way to the airport, I called my dad; the usually stoic man was in tears as he bid me farewell, with prayers and words of advice! I guess, having lost his companion of more than 50 years, & we kids all returning to our different bases (me being the first to leave) his new reality is beginning to dawn on him.

Such a loss; my darling mum was always like a lion with her cubs; seen & heard no more, but deeply loved & greatly missed.

Al Jannah firdaus Kibitiyu, iya’beji

Au revoir (or goodbye….)

Last couple of weeks have been great; seeing friends & #Family; #lazydays & doing things the Nigerian way (people waiting on me, despite my resistance etc.), and a lot of interesting & baffling sightings & observations of the way of life.

But seeing and being with my mum always tops the list.

Even though there was lots to do this trip; & I didn’t hang out with her as much as I would have liked to; going & coming home to her, has been great; & I guess comforting for her.

But of course, return I must; to making a living, to my young adults (who even though act like I am no longer needed; always end up returning to mum for one thing or another)…

That therefore means saying goodbye/au revoir …; this being hard enough with young ones/those in my age group …, but saying goodbye to my mum each time I come home is always harder; as I am always conscious (because of her age) it could be the last.

This morning’s goodbye was really tough; you see, my mum even though only 74; is in comparison to a lot of people her age, very frail. Mum insisted on walking to the car with me, but she couldn’t make it that far & had to stop in the living room – in tears she prayed for me & bid me goodbye; and the tears began to run down my face as well (as they are now that I am typing this)…

My brother also heads back tomorrow; & that’s going to be another tough goodbye…

I do hope it is au revoir and not goodbye …

Love you mum ❤